I'm still not ready to really talk about what has happened to my marriage over the last year or so, but at this point, it's probably safe to fess up that it's over. Not legally yet, but it's done. It wasn't my choice and it has left me with some real heartbreak, but it is what it is. When you can't control the outcome of things, you just have to learn to live with them and move on.

While I'm not ready to jump into a serious relationship anytime soon, I have to say that I am excited and somewhat terrified to have a date next week. Nothing fancy, movie and maybe some dinner and pool. It has been a very long time since I've been on the singles scene and I am so nervous I think I might feel like throwing up on the date, but at the same time, it is nice to have some validation that I'm worthwhile. I have really come out of this tragic situation with a stronger sense and liking for who I really am, and I'm happy with myself and happy to share that self with new people here. I'm looking forward to just meeting some new people here who I really have things in common with and starting to develop some new relationships with lots of new people.

Fool me twice, shame on me.

After a week of trying to catch up on the readings from not registering until the first week of class and thereby missing the first one, tonight I head off to my first college class in about 8 years. I'm nervous would be an understatement. It's nice to have something to focus on with all the uncertainty surrounding me at home these days, but to start all over again? Eek.

That said, I'm kind of looking forward to being in the middle of academia again. The last time, I jumped in with both feet following a massive breakup and life turmoil (funny how life cycles, isn't it?), it was an environment I thrived in and I met some really great people and one by one got a lot of aspects of my life flowing in a positive manner again. I'm hoping it works that way this time to.

In other news, to my delight this morning, I’m half-stupored from recent lack of sleep and sitting at my desk when I FEEL SOMETHING CRAWLING ON MY FOOT (I was wearing dress sandals, see?). I shrieked, flung my foot as hard as I could then spent the next ten minutes looking for the perpetrator under my desk (which is dark, and I have no flashlight at work, so enhance my paranoia, please). I finally see him on the door frame, about an inch and a half long "water bug" and I swear, IT WAS STARING AT ME. Needless to say, a trashed paper tablet later and he was no more, but I’ve spent the entire day now sure things were crawling all over my legs.

Heebie-jeebily,
Mal