Around the snark in 365 days

Some Monday morning snarkiness after not having a voice yesterday and therefore having a backbuild of stuff I couldn't say...

Bicycle lanes. There are about a million of them here, some in really rediculous places like Rochambeau. Yeah, I get it. We love the tourists and bikers here but damn, if the area goes out of its way to give you bike lanes on every damn road, then for goodness sake, STAY IN THEM. If you have a special lane on a 55 mph road (which really seems assinine to me, but whatever) then stay the frick in it and off my already narrowed car lane. I'm amazed there aren't more bicycle accidents around here, but I guess that's because we're all so accustomed to them being out in the middle of the road like they're invincible.

It's a pretty well known fact that I drive like an asshole. There's no other way to put it and I am totally fine with that description. I have zero patience for other drivers, I'm always in a hurry and I like to do a million things while I'm driving. I am often texting, drinking coffee, changing songs, etc. all at the same time. Yes, it's a bad habit, but knock on wood, I haven't had a ticket in about 15 years now (and I still swear there were no "kids present" in that stupid school zone three blocks from the school) and the only accident I've ever had wasn't my fault. I am in the best of the best category for my car insurance. How many of you can say that?

Did you know in Illinois they take your license from you when you're ticketed? Well, technically you're allowed to choose giving up your license or paying the cop $200 in cash bond (I kid you not). Right, because I regularly drive around with $200 cash in my bag. And have you ever tried to get into a bar when you're right at about 21 years old with a ticket as proof of your age? It doesn't work too well with the bouncers (excuse me Mr. Bouncer Head Muscle Man, I'm with the DJ...).

The kidlet sometimes says the most hi-LAR-ious things without even meaning to. In the town I used to live in out in the middle of nowhere midwest, this guy used to walk around in a robe carrying a giant wooden cross all day on Easter. Now, I can think of about a million other ways to spend my Easter (Reese's peanut butter eggs and mimosas anyone?), but to each his own. Anyhoo, we were driving down the street and saw the psuedo-Jesus and the young kidlet (who is being raised to choose her own religious beliefs when she is ready, and therefore didn't understand what she was seeing at the time) said, "What is that guy doing? It's not Halloween!). I almost wrecked the car (not from driving like an asshole, for the record) from blowing diet coke out of my nose when she said that (that really burns, by the way).

So fast forward to church-related comment number two a couple weeks ago. We live right down the street from three churches (all within a block of each other) and one of these churches has someone putting up their sign out front with witty (or not so) churchy-type statements and quips all the time. The other day it was something about the revival they were having the coming weekend, to which the kidlet responded in all seriousness, "What are they planning to revive?" That kid SLAYS me sometimes. A lot, actually.

Anyhoo, that's it for today, but I am considering undertaking an effort to blog 365 days of snarkiness starting today. I may give up out of laziness (it definately won't be for lack of something to say, as everyone who really knows me will understand) but I thought it might be a fun way to challenge myself a little and at the same time have a good outlet for my frustrations. So we'll see how long I can keep it up. Just wait for the first hangover blog...