So Halloween is over. I spent it pretty much alone. Detached from old people I might have spent it with, too new here to get invited to anyone's here. Kind of weird. Kind of lonely. Heck, the kids in my neighborhood don't even trick or treat on my street (it's a dead end, which I actually like after living on a super busy thoroughfare the last couple of years). I see it coming now that the witching hour is over... two months of everyone around me celebrating with family, friends, loved ones... me, alone. It's going to be a very long holiday season.

I'm into the last six weeks of the semester. This semester I went more than half time (taking six hours, nine is full-time) because I had to do it to get financial aid, and I needed financial aid if I wanted to continue the work at school I've already put too much work into to give up on. Six weeks of hell. I hate (HATE!) one of my classes this semester. I have two papers, one in each class, due every other week through the middle of December. I feel way too overloaded in general to deal with this. I just keep telling myself I'll get through it. I always do, right?

The weather sucks. It's wet. It's cold. My fireplace that heats the downstairs of my house is broken and they can't get here to look at it until Thursday. I'm cold. I hate cold. One of the many reasons I left the midwest is because I hated cold, wet, gray days from October through March. It's supposed to be nice here. It's not right now. Last winter sucked. Cold, wet, long (though at least we got a real snow day). I need sun. I need warmth. I need, well, maybe something farther south.

I'm not sure how I'm going to hang on the next couple of months. It scares me that it's this early in the holiday season, this early in the fall/winter months, this early in the semester and I'm already this far into the blue funk. I'm not doing good. I'm struggling. I'm "hanging in there" and "trying to keep my head above water".

Honestly? I've never been so willing to settle in my life just to have someone reach out and take my hand and pull me out of the depths. But for now, I will tread water and hope not to drown.