Ode to Holiday Ass

Ode to Holiday Ass

Oh badonkadonkdonk of which I once garnered endless infatuation for from many persons of the male persuation, how could thou betray me so?

Just because I love food and spirits in a manner unbecoming of a lady, thou hast opted to fill out every piece of clothing I have in my possession in an, at best, unflattering manner and at worst, just plain unzipperable.

Have I really been so unfair that thou needed to try and run away from me, creating any escape hatch possible through my clothes, be it pocket edges, muffin top or ass crack?

I see that I underestimated your ability to torture me. Rest assured I will not make this same mistake again. OK, that's untrue, I certainly will.

But for this time, on this day, I am going to attempt to reign you back in, shrink you in size and stuff you back where you belong, comfortably in pants of a normal size and nature without a large baggy sweater overhanging your every transgression.

Victory will be mine. Oh yes, it will be mine.