Today was supposed to be my date, but I took a raincheck until next week because I caught a cold over the weekend and feel like a wreck. Nice way to hit a blind date, huh? All full of snot and sniffles. No way. I worried he might think I was bailing totally, but he didn't and even told me that he had to be honest and tell me that he had been really looking forward to meeting me. :) It is just starting to occur to me how long it's been, in spite of being married, since I've had a partner who treated me in a respectful and loving manner, said nice things just for the sake of being nice, treated me with kidness and compassion. Not looking for anything major at all these days, but even the small niceties are more appreciated in my new life.

Anyways, my brain seems to be kicking over into a very numb survival mode at the moment. My memory and concentration are just awful right now. I keep thinking of things to do or say during something else I'm doing or saying, but a moment later when I'm done I can't remember at all what they were. It's a little frustrating. I also am driving horribly, even though I'm totally paying attention. Conversations with others leave my mind drifting not to anything in particular, but then I snap back and realize that they are still talking and I have no idea what they said (apparently my face doesn't let on that no one is home though, weird). I think it's all part of this shell-shocked state I am in as I work through and process all of what has happened and what it means. It's like anything extraneous in life has to go out the window for now, I only have enough room for necessities.

I wrote my first paper towards my PhD this week and I think it's pretty good. The family is coming to visit this weekend, so it's been a nutty whirlwind of cleaning, yardwork, etc. My dryer is broken and I'm hanging clothes on the clothesline until dad gets here to fix it Friday, and yesterday my vacuum crapped out. Figures!