I am feeling a little melancholy today. In spite of the warmth and sunny blue skies outside, I can feel fall starting to settle in. I feel like I should turn and look out of my window and it should be cool, cloudy and windy with the leaves blowing around and maybe a threat of rain. That's the feeling I have today. That blue funk that starts to settle in around the end of October.
These are the days where in happier past times, I would have begged my ex to stay home with me and play hooky from work. I would suggest we rent some cheesy horror flicks because it is almost Halloween after all, and we'd have lunch somewhere toasty and warm, and a bloody mary too probably. It was often Red Lobster, and while I'm not a big fan of the chain restaurant in general, the all you can eat soup (clam chowder), salad (ceasar with tiny shrimps) and cheddar biscuits just made me warm from the inside.
But now, even when I feel this way, I get up when the alarm goes off and get off to work. I spend the morning hoping maybe the office will be sick today, but they aren't so I spend the rest of the day hoping to avoid everyone. All I want is to cuddle up on the couch with a blanket and watch movies, and I want to do it with someone. It's a lonely time.
Things will move on. I will meet people. I will have people to play hooky with again. Life will go on. But right now, it's just a general dull ache for what used to be, and a deeper sadness knowing that it can't be that way again.
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