Raise your glass for the new year

New Year's Eve is tomorrow night and I simply cannot believe how much has changed since this time last year. As I look back and reflect on all that has happened, the good and the bad, I think in the end I realize that I am happier with things now than I was at this time last year. I feel like I've been through a war over the last year, only those closest to me really know why and what happened, but in the end I finally feel like I'm finding some peace from that war. I am certainly stronger coming out of it. I have a new appreciation for the important people in my life. I have a new understanding of what I have to offer others in my life. I have a new view of what I am looking for in life. And to start of the new year, I have some really good new things happening that fill me with hope for the future. A life of value. A life of goodness. A life of happiness.

Here is to 2008. I'm ringing it in with great hope, and I hope everyone else is too.

So tomorrow the rest of the family gets here for Christmas (sister came in yesterday) and I'm ready for the "official" start to the holidays. Things are in order, house is cleaned, presents are wrapped except for a couple stocking stuffers, cookies are baked. Let the festivities begin!

Nervous Nerd

Sweatin' the MAT this morning.

He's a mean one, Mr. Grinch

This morning it took every ounce of willpower to come to work with a blood pressure level slightly under control, thanks to Scrooge's no raise maneuver. When I arrive, low and behold what is sitting on my office chair? A wrapped coffee mug and Starbucks gift card from Ebinezer. I nearly went postal. I am contemplating leaving it back on his chair with a postit that says "no thanks".

I just wonder (hope?) if when he came in to leave it on my chair (in my locked office), he glanced at the two job listings sitting in the open right on top of my desk.

Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat

Christmas is a week and a half away, and the family starts arriving a week from tomorrow, so I'm in full on holiday prep mode now. The cookies are just about done, at least my part in them (I do a bunch and my mom does other ones, then we make trays for us and for friends). This year I made double chocolate, chocolate cherry, chocolate chip, sugar with sprinkles and butterscotch bars. I think it's just chocolate covered pretzels left to do. My mom is on for mint chocolate, date nut pinwheels, and raisin cookies (my dad's fav) and may do one or two more. I also did two banana breads for noshing.

The decorations are done and ready (need to water the tiny tree) and the gifts are bought and mostly wrapped. I think I just have my mom's to wrap and a couple stocking stuffers left. It's not a completely extravagant Christmas with the current situation, but it will be okay I think.

Next step is I need to converse with my mother tomorrow about meals so I can get some grocery shopping done this week. I'm usually better about that than I have been, but we'll figure it out. All I know so far is either Christmas Eve or Christmas day is beef wellington, our traditional dinner. Will probably do a Christmas morning quiche, the banana bread and mimosas, and probably a late lunch/appetizer fondue for the afternoon. Beyond that, not sure.

The hardest part this week is cleaning. My mother is insane about cleanliness, particularly with my two big hairy dogs. I usually try to plan out cleaning over the whole week before she comes so that we're not overwhelmed but get things done that don't get done often (like baseboards and blinds, sofa vaccuuming, etc.). It always feels like a ton of work by the end of the week, but it's got to get done. It is my least favorite part of preparing for them to come.

Really, really looking forward to my Christmas break. As of right now, it appears my ex-boss is a grinch and did not give me my annual raise (along with one other coworker) under the guise of us not being there long enough (I'm coming up on ten months and she is coming on eleven). Trying to be patient and see how that plays out, since I'm kind of working a grievance with the higher powers. I'll be pissed if I'm just out a year of raise money, but I'll deal with that when I know for sure.

Other than all that, I only have one burn from the cookies so far. :)

Budget Blues

I know I complain about money a lot, but honestly, when I have to rework the budget nearly daily to make sure I am not totally screwed, it just weighs heavily on me. Right now, when I get a paycheck, pretty much the whole thing goes towards the bills that are due before the next one. I mean THE WHOLE THING. When I get paid tomorrow morning, and I then pay everything that keeps the creditors off my back, I'm left with about $100. That $100 is supposed to cover our food, gas and dog food for 19 days (at least, not counting things like lunch money for the kidlet, this little impending thing called Christmas, etc.). Dog food and gas take up about all of it alone (and before anyone suggests it like my mother and sister do, I am not giving my dogs up after making the obligation to them when I adopted them). So each time I have to buy groceries using a credit card, which then results in more that I owe in monthly bills. See the self-defeating pattern here?

Honestly, I went so far out of my way to be fair but protect myself in the separation agreement. I took the large bulk of debt, including all the joint accounts because I didn't want to be in trouble when the ex didn't pay them. I did not ask for alimony or child support even though I'm left holding the bag on pretty much everything that we bought and did together over the years. And at the end of the day, people who know about it tell me I'm a "fair person", but I'm still a broke ass mom who can't afford to feed her kid. Fucking nice.

Update: Insult to injury. It appears that my boss, who left suddenly about a month ago under somewhat strange circumstances, may have screwed me and another coworker out of my pay raise for this year, which should have showed up in the paycheck this week. Color me very, very fucking pissed.

One of the first cool new people I met here died in the last couple of days. He was nothing but wonderful to me. The last thing I said to him was that I had finally confessed my crush on a local bartender. The lost had known but promised not to tell. The funeral/memorial is Friday.

End of days?

Are you prepared?

The best chocolate cookie recipe ever

I've been making these simple cookies for a couple of years now and every time I do, I am astounded by how good they are, so I thought I'd share it for those looking for Christmas cookie recipes. It's totally customizable. Each year I do a batch with some other kind of chocolate, last year tiny mnms, this year tiny chocolate chips with a hershey kissable on top. Then I make a more grownup version, this year chocolate cherry returns due to a request for a repeat performance. I just throw in chunked up dried cherries and it's awesome. Any kind of liquor would no doubt be tasty as well. They are perfect for frosting too. My only advice is to make sure you do the setting of the dough in the fridge, and rolling it into balls. It gives a totally different cookie than just blopping it on the pan. They are moist, puffy and chewy (and stay that way) but flatter and drier if you don't.

Chocolate Cookies

Ingredients:

1/2 cup (1 stick) butter or margarine, softened
1 cup sugar
1 egg
1-1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1-1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1/3 cup cocoa powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 cup milk

Instructions:

1. Heat oven to 375°F.
2. Beat butter, sugar, egg and vanilla in large bowl until well blended.
3. Add flour, cocoa, baking soda and salt alternately with milk, beating until well blended.
4. Cover; refrigerate dough about 1 hour or until firm enough to handle.
5. Shape dough into 1-inch balls; place on ungreased cookie sheet.
6. Bake 8 to 10 minutes or until set.
7. Cool 1 minute; remove from cookie sheet to wire rack. Cool completely.

Makes about three dozen cookies (this morning mine made four dozen, on the small side).

Housekeeping, you want mint for pillow?

1. Dog number two vetted.
2. Car property tax payed.
3. Holiday decorations up (thank you 60 and 70 degree weather in December).
4. Christmas baking underway. Banana bread and chocolate chip cookies done. More to come.
5. Paper number three completed.
6. Registered for Spring semester course.
7. Christmas shopping done and presents mostly wrapped.

Still loving everything about life. I planted garlic this afternoon, which is something I've meant to do for years. Walking out the front door to do so, there was a huge poinsetta left on my porch with a card, and it was from the world's best landlord. The kidlet has spent most of the weekend with friends, and is happily finally settling in with a group of kids here. I got to go out last night as a grown up with a cool new friend, been forever since I heard a last call, lol. He's coming over this afternoon to watch the biggest football game of the season.

Yesterday as I was driving the kidlet across town, she looked at me and told me that I was so happy, and in such a good mood. It was nice to be so in to that feeling that it was obvious to her enough to comment on it.

Life is good.

Life Lesson #473 learned

There is a difference between bringing baggage and bringing drama.

You've just spent nearly your entire Saturday raking and bagging leaves in the back yard (21 bags and I haven't even started the front), your Sunday morning cleaning like a madwoman, so what is logical way to spend your afternoon?

Christmas music and baking chocolate chip cookies, of course! And I know I burned enough calories to have one this weekend!

And just to file one more "why I love it here" entry, there is a rose in bloom in my back yard right now. Yes, you read that right. December 1st as I'm raking the leaves that have finally fallen from the trees in mild mid-50s sunny weather, there exists a bright fuscia rose on the plant under my persimmon tree along the fence.